You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
