Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Randomize
