Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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