You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
