I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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