that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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