In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
