I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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