i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
