you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
