I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
