Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
