The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
