Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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