i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
