He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this just has baby written all over it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The ass gains better be worth it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
