I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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