Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
