i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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