yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
