he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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