CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
