I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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