Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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