i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
