We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
