i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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