So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
