Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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