stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
