Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
