so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
