And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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