The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
