he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
