hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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