it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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