I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
