First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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