The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
