Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
