he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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