I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Fuck appropriateness.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
