If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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