so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
