Please, let me fuck your mom
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this will be a night to untag.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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