um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I deserve this hangover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
