2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
