the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
