I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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