Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
