Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
