I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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