i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
