I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
